Leaving the Room With Dignity

Seen on Facebook

2011-09-29T05:48:00.001+01:00

So true...

Missing in Action

2011-06-10T15:40:00.004+01:00

Ok, so four months have gone by since I posted on the blog. I haven't been missing as such, more like lurking in the internet ether, reading blogs and FB and Twitter, but without much heart to comment or be present.

Looking at my last post, it was just three weeks before the bad thing came to an end. My beloved step-dad, Tom, succumbed to bowel cancer on February 24th this year. He'd had the disease for two years. At one point, we thought he'd beat it but, unfortunately, it had spread into his abdomen, causing the problems with his lungs and kidney that were eventually to kill him.

Nearly four months on, I'm still devastated, although I have much to be thankful for. In two years, he rarely suffered. The disease really only claimed him in the last week of his life, when he was hospitalised and it was clear to everyone that the end was near. He died in his sleep, which is something most people would be envious of. Tom had a very strong belief in the afterlife, despite not being a conventionally religious man. My hope is that he was right...

Even expected death takes a huge toll on those left behind. My mum is coping well without her partner and best friend, but it is so difficult. What I mourn most of all is the quiet presence of a man who gently took on the role of being a dad to me, a man I could admire for his kindness and love for people.

While all this has been going on, life has demanded so much as well. I've been re-working The Queer Cure, after feedback from an agent last September on the strength (or lack of it) of the story. My work commitments have started to rise again and I will be back full-time in September - nearly two years after almost walking away.

I was delighted to be involved in the '100 Stories for Queensland' project. My very short story 'Sweet Juliet, 1935' was shortlisted and included in the final book. After a launch day push, the book reached high rankings in the Amazon charts both here and the US. If you would like to sample some short short stories in the name of flood relief, please check the book out here.

Summer holidays are coming and my aims for them are centred around finding an agent for 'The Queer Cure' and preparing for the autumn. I'm lucky enough to have recently returned from a luxurious week in Prague - which did much to raise my spirits. My next travel plan is an exploration of Spain's interior, but I need more Tesco vouchers before it becomes a reality!

Thanks for reading. I'll try to stay in touch more often.

Happy New Year

2011-02-03T22:47:00.003Z

Ok, so ignored the Gregorian New Year. Somehow, an early Feb new year with animals seems like more fun!
Especially as it's my year - the year of the rabbit. Looked up my character profile today. Disappointed with some of it, but not the majority.
Since Jan, the following things have happened:
the bad thing (see previous posts) has become doubly bad
the novel-writing course has ended and has become a more supportive group
Had a v.v. short story longlisted for an anthology.
Sadly the bad thing saps a lot of energy. As does the search to get out of present things. Still, I am grateful to be alive.

Continuing to think positively

2011-01-06T14:02:00.003Z

Well, it's day 6 of my year of thinking positively!

The gastric flu left the other day, leaving an old friend - the snotty headcold - in it's place. So looking forward to returning to work on Monday (yes I'm that spoiled) with an out of season, Rudolph-red Nose and what threatens to be the spot from hell in the centre of my forehead.

(It's either that or my Third Eye of Spiritual Wisdom is finally manifesting itself.)

I'm going to try eating goose for the first time today. And we've mashed up our heritage purple potatoes and added cream and now they've gone a purply-grey. Culinary adventurousness, here we come.

I'm wittering on because I have finally admitted to myself that I enjoy the self-absorbed aspect of blogging. And we're all interesting, right? If not, this blogging thing would never have caught on (despite the vicious cartoons in Private Eye).

The laptop is sitting behind and to my right as I type, sending out waves of loneliness, trying to seduce me with the promise that, if I just lay down the next couple of plot-lines in this chapter, I shall feel a lot happier.

Bring on the goose, is what I say in response! Let's celebrate the official end of the festive season. Work can wait for another day.

Epiphany

2011-01-06T13:59:00.003Z

12th night in the Western Calendar (celebrated this year by RCs Sunday just gone). Tonight is Christmas Eve for the Coptic Christians of Egypt. Let's keep our fingers crossed that their worship goes undisturbed by terrorists tonight and that the vast majority of Egyptian Muslims show clear support for their Coptic neighbours.

I'm back - kind of!

2011-01-04T13:35:00.005Z

Yes, I know it's been a long time. Yes, I know I intended to be in touch before now. It's just...well...you know how these things go...

2010 just wasn't my year - although a lot of good things happened as well. I knew I didn't want to do a review of the year or set out my hopes for 2011. But I also knew that I wanted to take 2011 by the horns and hold on for dear life as it did its best to test me...

After waking with a hangover on New Year's Day, I decided to give the drink a rest. Looked forward to a restful night's sleep and no bad head in the morning. Sipped water and laughed at Father Ted Night on C4 - revelling in the glorious silliness of one of my favourite comedy shows ever. (I even teach some Philosophy through it).

Went to bed before 'Kicking Bishop Brennan up the A**e'. Was very tired. Lay in bed waiting for sleep. Odd aches in my shoulders, which I put down to my bad posture. Sleep fitfully and finally gave up when the gut pains started at eight o'clock Jan 2nd.

Then the vomiting. Then the fever. Then the unmentionable toilet movements. Welcome Gastric Flu - thanks for helping me kick off 2011 in the most positive fashion.

On day 3 now. Head still feels like an oversized, underfilled balloon. Cramps have stopped. Toilet movements - well you don' t really want to know, do you, dear reader?

Welcome to 2011 - things can only get better from here, can't they? CAN'T THEY?

Away Time

2010-10-19T19:06:00.003+01:00

Apart from a restful week in Norfolk, the summer holidays passed in a blur of re-writing 'The Queer Cure'.

My job was to focus and simplify. My aim was to finish by mid-August, as I'd boasted to the agents and editors I'd met at the Summer Reception held in London by New Writing North.

I finished the latest draft at the beginning of September. Sent it to an agent. Got rejected.

I knew it wasn't ready, but had to get over the psychological hurdle of sending it out and being rejected.

Since that submission, I've been having 'away time' from 'The Queer Cure', to restore some perspective. I know that there's at least one more draft to go and then I'm finished with it, no matter what its fate.

The new term has been manic - as always. Really enjoying teaching pure Philosophy again after a break of a few years.

Half-term begins tomorrow evening. I have the luxury of 'away time' on private land on a hillside overlooking Ilkley. I plan to visit Haworth and, using the wonders of my iPod Touch, read at least some of 'Wuthering Heights' in the place where it was conceived.

I'm obsessed by the book as well as the Kate Bush song!!! My last published story 'Emily Bronte Unbound' reflects that obsession.

I need some inspiration to dive back into the world I've created in 'The Queer Cure' and make it more vivid, more alive.

Let's hope Emily's spirit takes pity on me!

Thanks for your patience.

A brief hello

2010-07-01T09:50:00.002+01:00

Much has happened of late - not all of which I want to share. Time for a revamp on the blog front me thinks, as well as a greater commitment to it.

Today is an exciting, odd, terrifying day. Down to that London to meet with agents and publishers for an industry do organised by New Writing North. Have to try and sell my novel in a conversation of 4 mins.

Wish me luck!

Finished Part 2

2010-04-15T19:12:00.002+01:00

I'll start this blog post by saying thanks to everyone who responded to the last one. I started by responding, but I ran out of steam, so I apologise to those who might have thought that I wasn't responding to you.

Thank you also for your messages of support. Your good wishes for improvement are much appreciated. Sadly, the main situation upsetting me can only get worse. It's not a case of waiting for things to get better, but of adjusting to every new piece of information and getting through day-by-day.

However, there is a plus side to things at the moment. The second draft of 'Some Hope' is finished, with a tighter plot and a more reasonable ending. Of course, there's no happy ending - not for the main characters anyway. But the ending fits much more into the scheme/theme of the book, so I'm quite satisfied.

The work isn't over yet. There's still an intense line-edit to do and some holes in the plot to fill in. I've entered the novel into consideration for a mentoring scheme, which might also provide me with the contacts to get an agent and a publishing contract. Keep yr fingers crossed for me.

So what's next? Stories to write - so nice to not feel like I'm cheating on the novel by spending time with them. And the next novel to research. I've always loved King Lear, since I studied it at Sixth form. I want to investigate the possibilty of turning it into a very English novel...

Thoughts go out tonight to those people stranded by the volcano cloud. And to anyone who's suffering. You're not alone.

Soundtracks

2010-03-21T20:01:00.003Z

Yet again, I have been deeply silent.

Things here have hit as about rock bottom as I can imagine. I hope that I'm not tempting fate by saying that.

We're in the last sprint of the re-writes for 'Some Hope' but real life is taking all of my energy at the moment.

To escape, I'm turning to music. Florence and the Machine. Enough anger to express what I feel at the moment. Enough F*** You attitude to sum up why I'm not taking all this crap lying down.

What are your anger/hurt soundtracks? What do you listen to when everything's going well?

Where I have been

2010-02-01T17:13:00.003Z

So, ok, I didn't want to do the whole Christmas/New Year thing on the blog.

2009 wasn't the best of years. Didn't want to rake over the coals.

The beginning of 2010 wasn't great. Death of an old friend. Bad news received in other quarters.

But today's the 1st February and this morning, the sun was coming out as I walked up the road to work.

Thank goodness for the return of the light.

And my mini-hibernation has been productive. I've written a number of stories and submitted them in various places. At least one has been rejected, but that's the name of the game.

The novel has evolved further. More sub-plotting has resulted in a whole new section. And the name has changed again. Discovered that Save Me was the title of a film with a similar subject matter. I've never seen it, but it was an odd conincidence. So, now the novel is 'Some Hope' - which sums up a lot of what I'm feeling about the writing game at the moment.

Still, I beaver away...Except today. Got home from my part-time working life, having avoided breaking any bones on the ice. Ate a large bowl of home-made broth. Tidied up a bit. Moved the hoover around in a meaningful fashion. Typed up a draft of a piece I wrote at writing group on Saturday. Stopped dead. One of my minor characters in the novel - a charismatic preacher - is in the middle of a diatribe against a Gay Pride march happening in his town.

Some days I just don't have the fire in the belly to write about other people's prejudices.

Thanks to everyone who responded about reading habits. Always interesting to hear.

Off to go and watch my present TV addiction - 'Come Dine with Me'. Dinner party strangers competing for £1000. Compulsive. RIP Big Brother, although your glory days were long since passed.

TTFN

The Habit of Incongruous Reading

2009-12-08T09:50:00.003Z

I always read on the way to work in the mornings.

I'm also in the habit of reading more than one book at a time.

In my bag at the moment:

The Oxford Book of Christmas Stories

and

Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar.

What do your reading habits reveal about you???

How I broke into the American Market

2009-12-06T13:54:00.002Z

Yes - I know, I've been silent for over a month. Working hard in that time, though. Honest Guv.

Gave NaNoWriMo a good go, but only managed to get to somewhere around 35,000 words. Much better than last year.

One good thing it did give me, though, was a character whose story I want to tell when I've finished the final edits on 'Save Me'.

And it helped me get back into the swing of writing longer pieces, as well some breathing space from 'Save Me'.

Anyhoo, that's just me stalling. For the main purpose of this post was to tell you how I've broken into the American market with 'Being Normal.'

A little while ago, The Short Story Library gave me a very nice review:

Book Review: Being Normal – Reviewed By Casey QuinnPublished By Casey Quinn • Jan 25th, 2009 • Category: Short Story News
If you are anything like me, then you have found that the cliché is true. Life is stranger than fiction. The world is filled with a diverse population who go through both entertaining and dramatic situations all of the time. While Stephen Shieber’s collection, Being Normal is a work of fiction, it comes a close second place to observing real life.
Stephen does a great job in this collection of short stories of showing the darker side of life. He simply tells a story about the lives most people do not write about. To me, it was a great book and one of the best collections I have read in a long time. His skillful writing made believable characters come to life and as a reader you are drawn to the situations they are in. You are left after some of the stories wondering does this type of crap really go on in the real world while knowing, it more than likely does.
Being Normal does a great job to show what the range of the word normal really is. Basically, no two people are going to define it the same. Your normal life may be ridiculous to me. Stephen does a great job in his book of showing the range of the dark side of life and painted over here and there of the bright side.
I would recommend this book if you are looking for a collection to make you think. Not fluffy thick material that may get lost in the translation but well written plots which leave you the reader satisfied at the end of each bit. The collection by Stephen Shieber is not sugar coated which makes his prose powerful. While we all would like the good guy to win in the end, sometimes who the good guy is gets confusing and what it means to win is blurred. Stephen does an excellent job of illustrating this in Being Normal.
It is January and if you made a commitment to help the short story world by buying a few collections to read, pick up a copy, you will not be disappointed.
Being Normal was published by Tonto Books. This is the first book by Stephen Shieber. If you are interested, please pick up a copy of the book on the Tonto Books website – http://www.tontobooks.com/beingnormal/

Sorry to bore you, but I'm really quite fond of this review, unsurprisingly.

The other night, however, I found the crowning glory of reviews for my little collection. On Amazon.com!

Imagine my excitement...which quickly turned to amusement, when I actually read the review. I reproduce it here, for your delight:

1.0 out of 5 stars Being miserable, November 24, 2009
By
feminaformosa (USA) - See all my reviews
Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?) The description of this book makes it sound like it is a set of short stories of people who are trying to fit in or who are different. That is not exactly accurate. It is a book of short stories about miserable people who make choices to make themselves more miserable and then wallow in their misery. How is this normal? Plenty of people march to the beat of a different drummer and aren't miserable, depressed, and unhappy. This book seems hard to track down in the US, and I would have to say that I 100% feel that it is not worth the effort to find it.

Two lessons to learn from this. One, you can't please all of the people all of the time. Two, opinion is opinion is opinion. Don't let it get you down.

And hey, any American readers who happen to read this post, why not make the effort to track down a copy and make your own mind up?

TTFN

Stephen x

North Yorkshire

2009-10-30T18:49:00.003Z

Came back yesterday from four nights in Pickering. Stayed in a lovely B and B that did the most superb evening meals.
Lovely to reaquaint myself with this part of the world. Helmsley remains as gorgeous as ever. Visited Ampleforth Abbey, which was incredible and peaceful. (Something that seems to have been lacking from life recently).
Highlight of the trip was the North York Moors Railway from Pickering to Whitby, by steam train.
Return journey as the sky darkened. Wonderful experience, so close to Halloween. I witnessed the blackness of the forest - unlike any other blackness I've seen. Sat next to us were a mother and her tireless son. He was very bright, very imaginative. She tried to engage him in a story about werewolves ambushing the train. He found a way round every obstacle she offered.
He was trying to plan the evening events for when they returned to their hired cottage.
Both Mum and Dad (sitting in the seat opposite) were obviously worn out by this hugely bright, constantly-needing-to-be-stimulated boy.
I felt for them, even though he'd dug me in the ribs countless times.
Grateful to return home to the cats' indifference.
Got to be easier than a hyper child.

Words and Art

2009-10-17T11:08:00.004+01:00

One of the reasons I write is because I'm not a visual artist. The drawings I, foolishly, attempt in the classroom often reduce my darling little charges to hysterical tears as they try to figure out what it is I'm trying to represent.

Behind the urge to write, to draw, to sculpt, to paint is the desire to create a thing of beauty. I freely admit to being jealous of visual artists. They're able to place their work immediately before people and get an immediate response. Writers have to draw people in and attempt to keep them there. Any response they get is much less immediate...

I may be wrong (I often am) but that's how it appears to me...

All this is a lead up to something I found on t'internet t'other day. Hat tip to Nathan Bransford
http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2009/10/stupendously-ultimate-word-cloud.html for sharing http://www.wordle.net/ with me.

Wordle takes your text and turns it into a word cloud. Some of them are very beautiful. Words as art. Visit http://www.wordle.net/ and have a play, be inspired. Have fun.

New Review of Being Normal

2009-10-05T14:48:00.002+01:00

For various reasons, I felt at times that this review would never appear. But now it has, in this month's edition of the Short Review.

You can read the review here:

http://www.theshortreview.com/reviews/StephenShieberBeingNormal.htm

and the accompanying interview here:

http://www.theshortreview.com/authors/StephenShieber.htm

and I like them both muchly.

Thank you Short Review!

PS If you like short stories, it's worth signing up to TSR's monthly newsletter.

Present Thinking

2009-10-03T15:39:00.002+01:00

Compromise

2009-09-25T10:00:00.002+01:00

At the end of last term, I was so sick and tired of teaching that I resigned.

My heart hadn't been in it for a while. I missed my words whenever I was away from them. Teaching not only got in the way physically but, more perfidiously, into my brain.

I decided to apply for a non-teaching office job. Had the interview. Found out this week that I didn't get it.

In the meantime, my school have offered me a part-time contract. I am very grateful to them, given that they didn't need to. It's a measure of how they value the work I've done.

So why am I not happy?

Because I have this crazy idea that I would be happier being an ordinary person, doing an ordinary 9-to-5 job, with 25 days holiday a year and the chance to take cheap breaks abroad during the worst of the winter months.

That and the freedom to be me (not that 'me' is anything wild or illegal) without thinking of the persona I have constructed and maintained for 12 years of my life.

I'm left in a quandry. Still looking out for non-teaching jobs, but also having to seriously consider the compromise of part-time teaching because bills still need to be paid and because I have a shocking Amazon habit, which has not been eased by membership of our wonderful new library in Newcastle.

And sadly, Being Normal has failed to make me a self-supporting writer.

What I dream of is a return to the system of patronage. Someone wealthy enough to take care of my living expenses, while I devote myself to writing.

Any offers?

Hah.

Might have to be a lottery ticket instead...

Third post of the day - must be some kind of record

2009-09-10T19:43:00.002+01:00

Yes, I suddenly find myself with something to say, after weeks of silence.

Just a short one this time.

Tonight I received a Facebook message.

From a complete stranger.

Who'd read 'Being Normal' (not because they'd received a review copy)

and felt compelled to write to congratulate me on it and ask if there were more stories in the pipeline.

OOoooooh. Aaaaaahhh. I feel like a kid on Bonfire Night, watching the pretty lights.

And yes, yes, there are so many more stories in my head. Some of them will tumble down on to paper soon as well.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-09-10T19:38:00.002+01:00

This time of year is always full of changes for me.

At the end of last term we had some wonderful people leave, for various reasons. One of them was my closest friend at work and now, when I go there, I have the feeling of someone being missing.

Lots of changes in my teaching commitments as well. A lot of them I wasn't happy about. Yet, now they're upon me, things are better than I thought.

2009 has been a year of massive changes for me as a person. All my sense of security in life went early in the year. At first, I thought this was negative.

But it has opened me up to some very strong positives and given me some courage to make changes of my own.

More about those soon. (If you're interested, otherwise, it's just me and faithful old Blog). After a period of rapid changes, these coming changes are so much slower and that's nice, but it's also a bit frustrating for someone whose greatest phobias centre around waiting!

How time passes without even noticing

2009-09-10T19:31:00.002+01:00

The school term started Monday.

Yesterday, I gave my first assembly of the year. It was all about the passage of time and making use of it correctly.

I wish that I could live out the advice I give in assemblies. At least I have the excuse this time that it wasn't my assembly. (I "borrowed" it from a website where kinder and cleverer people than me leave them to help people like me out!)

How did it get to be over three weeks since I posted?

Some nice things have happened since then. Mostly talking and seeing friends. But also re-working the first three chapters of the novel and beginning to understand how all the ideas tie in.
And blog-friends and everyday life friends have had successes. And I've discovered that some things that I feared are not as awful as I thought they would be.

I'm rambling. Because I think I have two more posts to do. And maybe I'm stalling a little.

thought for the day

2009-08-20T14:57:00.002+01:00

The First Draft...

2009-08-19T19:59:00.003+01:00

... is finished. 'Save Me' is almost a novel. However, it's not the novel that was planned out in my blue notebook.

Why do those pesky characters keep having their way?

And, as much as I tried to make myself do it, the happy ending slipped out of my fingers.

Now I might go and secretly cry in a corner, because I done a bad thing to one of my characters.

Any non-novel writers reading this post - take note.

Novel writing makes you barmy!!!

Why the long paws?

2009-08-11T17:44:00.002+01:00

Actually, more like 'why the sore paws?'

RSI of a type. All that typing. Bashing out the first draft of 'Save Me'.

Swinging between the profound and the prosaic.

Watching the lovingly-crafted and shapely plot transform into something untidier and uglier as the demands of the characters get in the way.

All those little moments of revelation:
Need to put this here.
That's what's missing from part one - to lay the foundations for parts 2 and 3.
They need to have that conversation here.
Have forgotten about detail a and am now contradicting it with detail b.

A thousand niggles and worries, as I aim for quantity over quality and look for what the Americans call 'Closure'.

And I need closure. I've been living with these characters too long now. I need to know how it ends, not how I think it will end.

Sometimes I think that novel-writing is a form of concentrated madness.

But not as mad as escaping from it all by tending a virtual farm on Facebook.

Beginning to wonder if I should be more grateful towards the day job.

Thought for the Day

2009-08-01T17:46:00.001+01:00

Let's not get into any debates about the future of the Radio 4 programme.

Wisdom is wisdom, whatever its source.

So today's little gem is:

"Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel."

Horace Walpole

A Short Short Story

2009-07-24T19:29:00.001+01:00

Sea Urchins

The scallop shells I could forgive. At least they were eaten. We often served scallops to our friends. Then she grasped at the Sea Urchins, delighted by those radiant orbs, hollowed out for souvenirs. Disgusted, I ran to the sea wall and let go of my stomach.

Inspired by a sight on holiday last week.

Lengthy Silence

2009-07-23T17:16:00.002+01:00

Time seems to trip away from me at the moment.

Still, people faithfully visit here and I thank you for that.

I will be updating properly in the next few days.

The turmoil of the last few months seems to have abated, at least for now.

I'm finding the time to breathe and recover a sense of myself that isn't dictated by writing, blogging or work.

Tomorrow: Cornwall and a short, short story.

Inspired by blog reading

2009-07-03T09:04:00.002+01:00

This week, I have been greatly enjoying reading Sarah Salway's 50 word photo stories. It's a genre (?) that I've only briefly flirted with, being by nature a verbose writer, at least until a good editor gets their hands on my work!

Inspired by Sarah's creative efforts, I thought I'd have a go. Let me know what you think.

Renaissance

Six months into his recovery, his good friends threw a party celebrating his renaissance. He was leaner, fitter and the gaps in his memory were now plugged.
‘Here’s to sobriety,’ he toasted. Everyone raised their cranberry juices.
He smiled to himself, thinking of the Veuve Clicquot chilling in his refrigerator.

Self Indulgent Posting

2009-06-26T15:44:00.002+01:00

I suppose self-indulgent posting is the part of the nature of a blog - or at least a temptation, anyway.

Last night's post, Flux, was a moment of self-indulgence.

Sorry.

Be indulgent with me.

I do, most of the time, realise how lucky I am.

I do, most of the time, recognise that writing is not as important as the events of the world.

It's just...

Sometimes, it feels that way.

Sometimes, I have to shout about the joys and the lows of making sense of my own world through the use of words.

Flux

2009-06-25T18:57:00.003+01:00

I know there are times that life has to be like this, but tonight I'm feeling like a kid whose lolly has dropped from his mouth!

It's the process of applying for things that's getting me down.

Not the process of the application.

The waiting process.

Which, unfortunately, is an inherent factor of a writer's life.

This time last year, I was waiting for the publication of Being Normal.

That was easy. The publication was secure.

Now everything's up for grabs. The PhD. A possible commission. Writing a story worthy of the latest Tonto anthology. Finishing the novel. Finding an agent.

I'm longing for a clear path through the murk.

I don't deal well with flux.

Even More Tonto Short Stories

2009-06-21T16:51:00.002+01:00

If this cover doesn't get your creative juices flowing and get you scribbling your entry for the Even More Tonto Short Stories competition, I don't know what will!

More details at: http://www.tontobooks.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=Even-More-Short-Stories

Good News

2009-06-21T16:47:00.002+01:00

Yes, for a change, I have some good news to report!

Remember the awful thing?

Well, it looks like it's gone away.

Yippppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

(Sorry, but I am very excited!)

In other news:

I will be signing books at Borders Gateshead, next Sunday (28th June) from 1pm.

If you're in the area, please come and say hello.

Remember: Authors don't bite.

New Writing Competition

2009-06-14T12:01:00.002+01:00

Tonto Books is running a new anthology competition with a deadline of 27 July, 2009.

The anthology is being brought out to mark Tonto's fourth birthday.

Details can be found here: http://www.tontobooks.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=Even-More-Short-Stories

A week of both halves

2009-06-06T21:36:00.005+01:00

It's been a funny week - I've always been a fan of 'Open All Hours'.

Exam week at school - I hate these exams. I was very good at exams because, once upon a time (before I fell in love with alcohol), I had a near photographic memory. But that's what most exam are - a test of memory. Therefore not a test of learning. Stop testing our children in this way!

Monday, I went to see the Head, to tell her I was applying for a funded PhD studentship. I'd love to get it and have had wonderful help off friends in applying for it. But I hate waiting. So we'll see.

Wednesday - the Awful Thing was re-judged and it seems it's not as awful as we thought. Still, a tense time ahead.

Thursday - saw me send off my PhD application.

Friday - marking papers and ending up at Whitley Bay Ice Rink - don't ask.

Saturday - polishing my proposal for the Durham Mystery Plays. Trying to finish my story for the BBC Short Story competition. Beginning my next collection of short stories, as well as working on the new and personally satisfying novel.

Sunday - the road resurfacers are supposed to start @ 8am. Our new neighbours move in downstairs. They're a family with a young daughter.
Anything's got to be better than a drug-dealing prostitute and her club music obsessed son! (oh yes, there's material for another novel in there!)

Monday - an assembly about Lego and marking the papers I didn't bring home over the weekend.

I long to be a full-time writer!

Tell me the truth about love

2009-05-31T15:59:00.003+01:00

I want to be happy.

I want to be a happy writer.

I want to write happy endings.

I was writing about love.

I was writing about happy endings.

BUT

It felt false

It felt wrong

It felt inconsistent with my world view (that was the pretentious literary comment of the post)

SO now:

I'm writing about:

Betrayal

Loss

Obsession

That's the stuff of drama - right?

Technological Dependence

2009-05-19T10:19:00.004+01:00

Last week, having watched the computer struggle for weeks on end, gasping for breath as it gave into our furious demands for speed and efficiency, we decided to go and buy a new one.

There was the usual lamenting about the fact that technology moves on so fast, that home computers are apparently designed to last only 4 years at the very most.

We tried to avoid PC World, because any specialist shop gives me the creeps, as I think I'm about to be talked into buying something I don't really need, but the salesperson is desperate to make commission on. (NB - I have no idea if the employees of PC World are on commission or not, but you get the idea).

Two mainstream electrical retailers offered us no incentive whatsoever to replace our beleagured system. So off to PC World we went, with the heavy heart that garages give me. As I know very little about cars, so I know very little about computers!

We wandered the aisles, avoiding the salesmen as much as possible (not easy when there are only four of you in the shop).

We were beguilded by sleek lines, blue lights, supersharp screens and the possibility of 10% a laser printer. (I have so had it with inkjets).

Then came the disaster.

The model we wanted wasn't in the shop. Never fear, the salesmen rang round various stores, eventually locating one for us in Sunderland which could be DHL-ed up to their store in a few days.

Satisfied and hundreds of pounds lighter (financially, of course. Physically, I wish! Ok, maybe not hundreds of pounds!) we left 30 mins after entering the store. During that time, I sampled MarioKart for the Wii, confirming that the best thing I can ever do for mankind is to not get behind the wheel of a car ever again!

Life at home without a computer (ours got a virus, which hastened its death - an act of technological mercy-killing, perhaps?) was suddenly quieter. No e-mails to read and then put off answering, until people have forgotten you exist. No blogs to read, inducing no guilt about having nothing to write on this blog. No FBing, meaning no bleak status updates or letting people know you are actually still alive by 'liking' their status. No - and this was perhaps the hardest - no online games access, meaning that I was left high and dry without an excuse for neglecting the laptop and the shape-shifting, interminable first draft of the novel.

Thankfully, there was some interesting stuff to watch on TV. (At least it was more interesting than discussion or house-cleaning! Urrrgggghhhhh)

When friday arrived and the computer came, it was like emerging from a digital retreat.

Thank God for PC World.

Randomness

2009-05-07T20:52:00.004+01:00

Exam period is upon us. This is the time when teachers get even more paranoid than usual.

Have I done enough?

Have I drummed enough things into them?

What do I say if the results don't reflect expectations?

This year is even more fun as we draw up plans to do with Swine Flu management!

School is like a hospital with all the hand sanitiser dispensers. I've spent too much time in hospitals this year already. And more to come. So I really resent the invasion of the hand sanitisers.

The novel lurches along, in between all these considerations. But, by the time I get home and put in an hour on the novel, I very often have very little to say on here. So thanks to everyone who is still coming back.

One question. Why did Philip get fired in The Apprentice this week? Arrogant, loud, a hatred of Lorraine - surely perfect qualities? (She really needs to get rid of those glasses and sack her optical consultant!)

Both Tonto Books and Nik Jones have secrets they won't tell. I don't.

OOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Loving Beccy Owen's latest album. 'Blizzard' is keeping me sane.

Reading 'How not to write a novel.' A cross between the hysteria of reading deliberately bad fiction and the paranoia that makes you assume you are guilty of all these fiction crimes!

Mood uplifted by Penhaligon's heady scent 'Hammam Bouquet.' Can only wear it on occasions when Other Half isn't @ home, because it is not the most popular of scents. Roses and musk. Yum, yum!

A lovely thing and a complete surprise

2009-04-27T19:00:00.004+01:00

Check out the photo below. Read it carefully. Take a sharp intake of breath, like I did. WOW!

Many thanks to B for the photo. Thanks to Simon at Silverlink Borders for reading and reviewing. (And no, I didn't pay him!!!)

A Week of Two Halves

2009-04-25T16:14:00.004+01:00

Plotting 101 went well. It confirmed all the things I'd suspected about the novel and returned me to my personal mantra, which I'd strayed far from:

K - Keep

I - It

S - Simple

S - Stupid

So, with a plan, in the last week I've been able to write over 80 pages!

"What a difference a plan makes..."

Monday was return-to-work day. Felt quite positive. Didn't see the dark cloud hiding round the corner. By Thursday, the dark cloud was a thunder-storm which became a typhoon on Friday (not geographically possible, I'm sure, but geography is part of my problem.)

Upshot is, I'm tired of getting wet.

Saturday - Writing group came around quickly. Remembered that it only seemed quick because I'd had a two month gap between the previous sessions.
Some surreal mis-communication that I swear only writers are capable of. Thought I was still being affected by last night's alcohol intake!

Met wonderfully chilling poem - Gare du Midi by W H Auden. Used as starting point for workshop. Result = a short tale about a suicide bomber. Not my usual stuff. But the lovely thing about working in a mixed group of poets and prose writers is that it makes me want to play with language - something you don't get chance to do when banging down the plot of a novel. That's a joy that comes with a second draft.

A wonderfully entertaining and lovely morning with the writing group. Thanks guys - very cheering after the stormy weather at work.

Return from Retreat

2009-04-15T18:54:00.005+01:00

It's a week tomorrow since I returned from my writing retreat, which sounds grander than it actually was.

The caravan was basic but comfortable. The cold was biting (one day I ended up writing in my dressing gown on top of my clothes - trying to pretend I was wearing a Victorian smoking jacket or some such garment!)

I read. I ate ready meals. I watched more than my fill of the varieties of reality TV - To Buy or not to Buy, Cash in the Attic, Bargain Hunt, The Speaker, The Hospital, The Apprentice, Great British Menu, Escape to the Country. Also quiz shows: Deal or No Deal, Eggheads (Has anyone ever witnessed those smug questionistas being vaniquished?) A Question of Genius (Kirsty Wark - what are you thinking? All that nonsense for a crack @ £5000?)

I rarely ventured out into the rain and wind of Northumberland. I cursorily finished one of the story arcs in the projected novel.

I returned with all sorts of questions and possibilities. None of them religious (much to my relief, given that it was Holy Week).

These were crystallised yesterday. I got a rejection letter for some funding I'd applied for. It was a very nice rejection letter. It told me I was writing well and creating convincing characters.

It said I needed to work on plot.

Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh.

I hoped no-one had noticed that I had no idea how to sustain plot over 70-90000 words. Why have 3 main story arcs otherwise?

So, tomorrow - Plot 101. And a single character as focus.

Because I came to a realisation today that I'm squandering material. I have 3 main characters. Two of them can become novels in themselves.

Wish I only got one idea at a time...

Let The Right One In

2009-04-03T19:42:00.004+01:00

I will begin this review with an apology. There are a number of writers I want to feature on this blog, people I have promised review space to. Since the 'awful thing' happened, I've found it hard to read for review purposes. I have craved fiction to fall into, to lose myself in. Then I found 'Let the Right One In' and I was compelled to speak about it. Those waiting for reviews, I promise that, when my 'retreat' is over, I will honour my promises.

I first heard of the book from a blog I visit, which reviewed the film.

I have a confession to make. I love Vampire films and books. Have done since I had some book tokens at 17, went into a Waterstones in Leicester and spent them on the first couple of Anne Rice's vampire novels, Interview with a Vampire and The Vampire Lestat.

Seventeen years on and it's hard not to compare John Ajvide Lindquist's tome with the work of Anne Rice. But we are in very different territory here. Rice's vampires are aesthetes. Lindquist's are outsiders, killers.

There is nothing noble in 'Let the Right One In'. There is much that makes for tragedy. Even the central vampire, Eli, is a victim. Although whether as much of a victim as Oskar, the central human protagonist, is up for debate.

A series of horrific murders plague a surburb of Western Stockholm. Oskar is obsessed with the murders, given that he fantasises about murdering his school tormentors. Then he meets Eli, the girl next door. Suddenly, his life takes on a new dynamic, as he tastes real friendship for the first time.

As their relationship develops, Oskar learns a whole lot more about Eli, the least of which is that she is a vampire. Her need for blood re-shapes the neighbourhood both children live in. It re-shapes their relationship. And in the midst of all this mess, a killer is on the loose.

There are moments of pure sickness and horror in Lindqvist's prose. There are moments of sublime love - in particular, Oskar and Eli, as well as Virginia and Lacke.

However, some of the horror feels unnecessary. Some of the backstory needs further illumination, to allow readers to feel full sympathy with Eli.

Oskar is a wonderful creation. He's the kid we've all known. Clever and thoughtful, but unable to show it at school. Caught between well-intentioned, but separated, parents. Ripe for the love of an outsider such as Eli but, once the darkness falls, we want to rescue him before it all becomes too much.

A good read, although dizzying in the number of viewpoints it invokes. Ultimately, though, I wouldn't want to return again and again to it, as I have Ms Rice's novels.

The film hits the UK next week. Talking to the assistant at Borders, a lot of its darker elements have been swept over for the sake of box office palatibilty.

We'll see.

Writer's Retreat

2009-04-03T19:34:00.002+01:00

I have, yet again, been neglectful of this blog. I have so much I could share about the awfulness of trying to maintain dignity in the face of being human, but 'the awful thing' often saps me of the will to communicate.

That and the fact that I have been working so hard on the novel, retreating into it as an escape from everyday life.

I have scars on my knee and hand where I fell over on the way to work last week.

The joy is being off, without the rhythm and dictatorship of working life.

Sunday is a day of joy. I cut loose from my life for four whole days. I am taking my writer's retreat. Nowhere expensive or posh. But a sacred space to finish the manuscript, nevertheless.

It is also the start of Holy Week. This ex-Roman Catholic is apprehensive...

The School Letter - The End

2009-03-24T11:15:00.001Z

Adam slips past his colleagues and into his cubicle, grabbing a coffee on the way. He turns on his computer and sorts through the papers in his in-tray, the school’s letter temporarily put to one side.

He tries to focus on his emails, but his thoughts drift back to the innocuous white envelope on his desk. He wipes his brow with his sleeve, takes a deep breath and picks up the envelope.

It isn’t what he expects. In fact, it isn’t intelligible the first time he reads it. Gradually, he pieces it together. Apparently, Jake’s story-writing is ‘of concern’.

He’s 7 years old, thinks Adam. Give the boy a break.

It seems that, in the past three months, no matter what the given topic, Jake moulds his stories from the same few elements. Each one is a quest to discover the whereabouts of the queen, snatched from her kingdom by dragon, or monster, or ogre. Jake is her knight, her champion, her rescuer. She always bears the same name.

Angie, guesses Adam.

Besides this crime of unoriginality, far worse than all other literary crimes it seems, is the endless recurrence of Jake’s resolution: And then I woke up…

It is important, Mr Bartlett, for Jake’s language development that he is encouraged to rewrite his stories, imagining new plots and more satisfactory resolutions. Please would you assist him in revising these pieces of work?

Adam stares at the letter for sometime, unaware that the dregs of the morning have drained away. He hugs himself, confronted by his son’s naked grief. He won’t help him re-write those stories. Instead, he balls up the letter and volleys it into his litter bin. Adam lapses into a daydream where Angie is once more vibrant and beautiful. Strengthened, he begins his work, determined not to be late picking Jake up.

The School Letter, Part 4

2009-03-24T11:10:00.003Z

The Secretary nods patiently all the way through this tale. ‘Goodness me! You have had some excitement this morning.’ She smiles at Adam, indicating that she’s taking it all with a pinch of salt, which is just as well. He lives in fear of the mention of Social Services. He’s failed at many things in his life. Bringing up his son is not going to be one of them.

‘Time for class now, Jake.’

The boy’s face darkens and he turns to Adam, who smiles encouragement. ‘I’ll see you tonight, Jake.’

Adam offers his son a hug , which he refuses. He makes do with a hastily snatched kiss on the cheek. He watches as Jake trudges up the corridor, trainers squeaking across layers of floor polish.

When the boy disappears from view, thoughts of work return to Adam. He is about to depart when the Secretary calls him back.

‘Mr Bartlett?’

Adam shivers as he approaches. ‘Something wrong?’

The Secretary beams at him, ‘There’s a letter for you. From Mrs Ireland.’
‘Something wrong,’ Adam asks again.

The Secretary shrugs and Adam stands dumbly before her, contemplating whether to open the letter there and then.

‘I’m late for work.’ He walks away before he is further ensnared in his son’s world.
Adam places the letter on the passenger seat, reverses out of the playground and zooms away. Alone, he can afford to be less careful about his speed.

By the time he reaches the office, the letter has taken on huge proportions. It is the beginning of the end, Adam decides. Despite their smiles and their sympathy, the professionals in his son’s life have conspired against Adam. They have gathered the daily proof of his child-raising incompetence. Now they have their dossier of evidence, their call to arms. Jake needs a proper family. Parents who can give him the time and love he needs to conquer his tantrums, to help him recover from the tragedy that shadows his young life.

The rest of the story

2009-03-23T17:55:00.002Z

Today has been an odd sort of day at work...

Still I got the first three installments of 'The School Letter' posted up.

The rest tomorrow.

Feeling more positive and active today than I have in a long while.

But I'm still left with a dilemma.

Should I, like a good writer, work on the novel this evening?

Or

Have a Torchwood fest, given that the DVDs of the first series are sitting waiting for me to watch them?

The School Letter, Part 3

2009-03-23T13:53:00.000Z

They park up behind the school minibus in one corner of the playground. Another battle ensues, when Jake refuses to get out of the car.

‘I haven’t time for this, Jake. Daddy has to get to work.’

The boy’s face crumples with imploded rage and tears threaten. Adam sighs, inwardly hardening himself against his son’s grief. He unfastens the seatbelt and scoops Jake up into a tight hold that he can’t wriggle out of. Adam suffers a couple of swift kicks to the ribs as they cross the playground, but it’s a small price to pay in return for Jake’s silent, rigid protest.
Anything but the full tantrum.

They have to report to the Secretary, so that she can register Jake. Adam pauses before they reach her glass-fronted hatch. He whispers in Jake’s ear. At first the boy doesn’t respond. Adam tries again. He knows he’s been successful when he feels the boy’s body relax against him. Adam loosens his hold and Jake slides down his legs and placing his feet squarely on the parquet. The ball of rage becomes a 7 year old again. Adam takes his hand and they approach the Secretary, like any other father and son

She looks at Adam first, a hint of sympathy on her face. Then her smile broadens as she turns it on Jake.

‘Good morning, Jake. How are you this morning?’ She looks at him as if he is the most delightful child in the whole world. Adam reaches within himself for a shred of the same feeling.

‘We were late because Daddy didn’t set the alarm. He cut his face and made me wear nasty socks and eat cereal. Then he swore at a bad man in a car. And then we got here.’

The School Letter, Part 2

2009-03-23T13:47:00.002Z

The wailing Jake is deposited on the back seat of the car, with his zip-locked plastic folder containing his reading book, his composition book and his maths worksheets. Adam hasn’t looked inside any of them for months.

‘Fasten your seatbelt, Jake.’ Adam reverses down the drive and onto their cul-de-sac. As he does so, he glances back to make sure that he has actually closed the front door. This new compulsion springs from the time he forgot to. One of the neighbours rang to ask if he was moving out, because a van was parked on his drive. He sped home before the opportunistic bastards got their hands on anything significant, but it still rankles that he could be so careless.

‘You haven’t got yours on,’ whines Jake.

Adam turns the car round and clicks his belt into place. He catches sight of himself in the mirror. What a state! He eases the wads of paper off his cheeks. Six of them come away without any consequence. The wound on his chin leaks blood. There are six red spots of it on his white collar. Jake gleefully points them out.

Adam stays in the outside lane on the dual carriageway. He doesn’t trust himself to overtake, no matter how late they are. A silver Peugeot tail-gates him, some kid in a baseball cap at the wheel. Adam’s doing a steady 50, but the boy racer isn’t happy with that. Adam makes an angry gesture to tell him to move over, but he can’t because the fast lane is choked with cars. Jake giggles, as he notices the one fingered salute the boy racer offers his father.

‘It’s not funny, Jake.’

‘That man’s really rude!’ Jake’s judgement isn’t entirely shorn of admiration.

Adam is relieved to take the slip-road. Two minutes from here to school. The kids will just be coming out of assembly, which doesn’t really matter. He’s more bothered about his missing lessons.

The School Letter, Part One

2009-03-23T13:43:00.005Z

The School Letter

They are late again. A power cut in the small hours of the night knocks the alarm clock off. Adam sleeps past 7 am. When he finally rises, he finds Jake lying in bed, fists clenched, staring at the ceiling.

It’s going to be another one of those days.

Now they cyclone around each other, Adam constantly aware of the clock’s progress, as he tries to convince Jake to slip on his socks and trainers and take another mouthful of cereal. Then Adam races upstairs and drags a razor over his face, a comb through his unwashed hair. He returns to the kitchen, cheeks plastered with scraps of blood-stained loo roll. For a moment, Jake really looks at his father. Adam is about to break into a smile, but then the boy’s gaze shifts, so that it slips right through him and beyond, to the photo of Angie hanging on the wall. Adam shrugs his shoulders, used to being a ghost in his son’s life. It compliments his other roles as monster and slave-driver.

Adam picks Jake up and hugs him hard, until the boy complains.

‘Ouch, daddy!’

‘Sorry,’ says Adam, relaxing his grip a little as he reaches for his briefcase, still bearing his son. Behind them is a trail of unwashed dishes and discarded clothes – the detritus of their morning routine. Adam makes a mental note to petition the parents at Jake’s school about introducing a uniform. It would eliminate one weekday battle.

‘I don’t want to go! My tummy hurts. I feel sore.’

Each morning elicits the same litany of complaints from Jake. Adam ignores his son’s protests. He briefly touches the boy’s forehead. It is cool. Only a fever can make him panic these days.

Delay

2009-03-22T18:14:00.001Z

I promised to post 'The School Letter' in installments over the weekend. It's now Sunday night and I haven't got near to polishing then posting it. Be patient. First installment should appear tomorrow.

Back in the Land of the Living

2009-03-20T14:15:00.000Z

I haven't completed a short story since I finished the final draft of Being Normal last May. In the meantime, I've been working on my novel How to Make a Home. Then the Awful Thing happened and I wrote simply to calm myself down.

This week, I needed a break from the format of the novel. I needed to finish something. To have a completed piece. So, I wrote a story which had been forming for a while. And it was short and easy to get right and made me feel good that I do have the patience to finish something else.

The story is called The School Letter and I will be posting it in chunks on here over the weekend. Please take the time to read and enjoy (hopefully). Feedback would be good.

Sorry for the neglect, but sometimes even wordsmiths have nothing to say!

Paddy and Keith do Dirty Dancing - Let's Dance for Comic Relief - BBC One

2009-03-01T11:32:00.001Z

Absolute genius - and very close to the original from what I rememeber.
How we laughed!

Since the bomb went off

2009-02-25T09:57:00.003Z

A week ago...

the bomb went off. Not a literal one, but an explosion nonetheless.

An explosion that shattered the nice comfortable illusion that I live in: that my life is protected and change-proof.

Since then, the ground beneath my feet has shifted constantly.

The future suddenly seems a more uncertain place. My confidence in it is diminished.

I have no doubt that, in time, my worldview will adjust, will accomodate this explosion.

At the moment, though, the wounds are red and raw.

Writing helps.

In writing I have control, which is something we all want in this very uncertain world.

Thank you to everyone who is bearing with me at this time. You know who you are. Hope you know how much you're appreciated.

The Importance of Silence

2009-02-17T19:11:00.003Z

I realise that I have neglected the blog of late.

Work has been mad. Home has been mad. Family has been mad.

I admire those people who use their blogs as a diary on the web, revealing the darker parts of their lives to their readers.

It isn't me. I write fiction because it's a mask to hide behind. I write a blog because it's a way of establishing my presence as a writer in this murky on-line world.

Many thanks to everyone who's continued to visit, despite my silence.

Sad things are happening in my life, but they are for me to carry, not to air in public. I don't, yet, have the words for what is going on.

I'm with Wittgenstein on this: "What we cannot speak of we must pass over in silence."

Surviving the Recession

2009-02-17T19:04:00.003Z

There's been a lot of twittering in the blogsphere/on the web about the impact of the recession on writers and publishing.

As someone trying to launch a first novel about the recession/credit crunch, I could be worried.

But I'm not...

Why?

Because I know I will never be a starving artist in a garret somewhere.

Why not?

My newest cat (no#3) has a way of providing for his owner.

Not for him, the gifts of birds or mice.

Nor the gift of the plastic rings that keep four beer cans together. (This was a speciality of Cat no#1 and, perhaps, a subtle hint to look up the number for my local chapter of AA!)

No, Cat no#3 is a streetwise cat, who knows how to look after his own, when the chips are down.
His special gifts are slices of dry bread, the ones that kind neighbours have put out for the birds.
So, he's bringing home the bread for us.

Cheers, McVitie.

Busy Book Week

2009-01-26T05:41:00.003Z

I never normally post at this time of day, but there are a few things I want to mention, which merit this momentous moment. (Ah, the joy of cheap alliteration...)

1) I wish I was more mobile and didn't live in the frozen wastes of the North. Tonight there's a rather special book launch happening...DJ Kirkby and Christopher I King launch their books with a charity event. DJ's memoir From Zaftig to Aspie is a beautifully written tale of her hippy childhood and passage into adulthood wth undiagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. I am currently savouring the book and will be interviewing DJ on the blog as well as presenting my humble opinion about the book. (You may be able to guess my opinion already!) I haven't started Christopher's crime novel yet, but with the title Motorbikes, Ducks and Crispy Sweet Apples I'm relishing it. Good luck to you both for tonight, I hope you have a fabulous time.

2) I may live in the frozen wastes of the North, but I'm pleased to say that we have our own culture here! On Thursday night, I'll be attending the launch party for Tonto Books latest two fiction titles: 9987 by Nik Jones and Make it Back by Sarah Shaw. The party starts at 7pm at the Opera Piano Bar in the Gate complex in central Newcastle. I'm really quite excited about getting my hands on two new and very different novels...

3) Saturday sees the first meeting of a new writers group in Newcastle at the illustrious Literary and Philosophical Society. I am not a natural joiner of groups, but I jumped at the chance to register my interest. Since completing my MA in 2005, I've known the loneliness of the isolated writer, so it will be good to meet other like-minded individuals.

4) All in all, quite a week. I'll be back later to report on some of the above. In the meantime, why not check out this rather lovely review of Being Normal posted on an American Short Story website. A bit fabby, eh?

TTFN

Being Normal by Stephen Shieber

2009-01-21T17:24:00.003Z

This is the book trailer (created by Jamieson Wolf) for Being Normal.

See more of Jamieson's work here:
http://nightwolfdesign.synthasite.com/

Technology gone mad

2009-01-18T18:14:00.003Z

Logged in this evening to find that completely the wrong Googlemail address was now linked to the blog. I've moved to Googlemail, after BT wanted me to pay to keep on my address with them.
Have spent a frustrating hour trying to work out how to sort the mess out. Have now managed to make myself an admin of my own blog which is why, if you look in the sidebar, you'll find that there are now two Stephens contributing to the blog! Aaaargggghhh!
What annoys me is that Google will not associate my blogger profile with either e-mail address I have registered to my Google account. So it's a skeleton profile until I can be a***d to do something about it. And they say technology makes your life easier!

Shakespeare my Butt! by John Donoghue

2009-01-17T17:51:00.004Z

This is the first of the reviews I've committed myself to doing (one way or another). I first met John when I was signing books @ Borders in Gateshead. We then had a bit of e-mail contact and I was intrigued by the title of his book, as well as his decision to self-publish. John kindly offered to send me a copy of the book and I promised him I'd review it on here in return...

What follows below is an interview with John about the book followed by my humble opinion on it. Oh, and a fab picture of the star of the book - Barney, John's dog!

1) 'Shakespeare my Butt!' - what prompted the title?
There are 2 answers to that!
Firstly, I didn’t want people to think that I had taken myself too seriously...and I think the title covers that!
Secondly, I am a big fan of a Canadian band called ‘The Lowest of the Low’. They released 2 fantastic albums in their short existence, one of which was called ‘Shakespeare My Butt!’ – I used this title as my tribute to the band. Years later, one of the founding members of the band happened across my book, and decided to call his new CD, with his new band (Too Many Sisters), after something that appears in the book, as it reflected what he was trying to achieve with his music – his CD is therefore called ‘Non Barking Dog’. (It’s not what you might think that means either – it’s a police investigation term).
‘The favour has been returned’ he said!
(By the way, if you can get your hands on the CD, ‘Shakespeare My Butt!’ by The Lowest of the Low, you will be in for a treat)

2) Why did you decide to write the book?
I have a daughter ...and I thought she might be interested that her dad had been a Sailor, a Soldier and a Police Officer, with all the various tales and adventures that come with that.
Sadly not! I think I would have had to be a pop star or something to get her interest!!
So ...I started to write down my thoughts and adventures for her to read sometime. People seemed to like the tales, so I kept on adding to them. I got a dog ...that brought more anecdotes, I started to travel around the more bizarre named places in the UK...and so on...it just snowballed into SMB!

3) How long did it take to write?
I guess by now you know you are not going to get a straight answer out of me!
One answer is 40 years worth of anecdotes ...but the answer that you probably want is more like 2 years of jotting down tales, and living through the latest stupid project I had embarked on...so I never knew how the book would end, until I finished that project. When I started the book, I never thought it would end the way it did with me doing what I’m doing now!

4) You chose to self-publish. Could you explain the process behind it and the advantages and pitfalls?
A number of reviews have commented that one of the joys of Shakespeare My Butt! is that it bucks the formulaic trend that seems to prevail in the book market today, and comes over as a work of passion – art created for the joy of creating it, rather than for more worldly motivation.
Steady on – it’s just a funny book! ...but I guess that self publishing allowed me a totally creative hand in writing what I wanted to write. It wasn’t written with an audience in mind ...it was written because I enjoyed writing whatever I felt like writing!
I am very fortunate that people seem to like the book and I am now in the lucky position to have been approached by an agent who is in early talks with some big publishers down South. There has even been talk of a series or film.
Maybe it’s a back to front way of doing things, but self publishing has worked for me.

5) What are your writing ambitions?
I’ve no real big writing ambitions – I just enjoy writing. I am someone who gets his inspiration from life. I love my ‘proper’ job, and need to do that to get the experiences and anecdotes to write about. Writing is a great hobby to have, and that’s all I want it to be – a pleasurable hobby. My next book is about the funny side of being a front line Police Officer. How is ‘Taking Liberties’ for a title?
If you pressed me, I guess I’d say my writing ambition is to make people laugh.
So ...if you do read SMB, drop me a line via my website http://www.marsupialelvis.com/ and let me know what you thought of it.

6) What advice would you give to budding writers?
Never tie your shoelace in a revolving door.
OR
You have got to enjoy writing...and write for yourself. If something comes from it at the end, that’s fantastic ... but make sure you enjoy the journey too!!

Review of Shakespeare My Butt! by John Donoghue

It is difficult to classify John Donoghue’s debut work. Is it autobiography, social comment or a dog-training manual? The truth is, it is all these things and more, including a gazetteer of amusing (and sometimes rude) place names of the British Isles. Donoghue admits himself, in the book’s blurb, that these are ‘confessions of a man with too much time on his hands’ and that the book is made up of ‘ramble, meander and digress.’ There is no strict literary format at work here, and yet Donoghue manages to thread together various aspects of his life-experience in a way that makes sense and is interesting. Beneath the ‘man-telling-ancedotes-down-at-his-local’ surface, a fascinating picture of one man’s life and relationships emerges. The highlight of the book is Donoghue’s humour. It ranges from one-liners that will make you groan to pathos (Donoghue is frank in admitting that, as part of his work, he often sits in hotel rooms watching TV wearing the complimentary shower-cap, so that he feels he’s had his money’s worth). Donoghue is not above plunging into the surreal, with delightful effect. One of my favourite moments is the opening of the book, relaying the exciting world of discovery that Sparky and GoGo (fish with six-second memories) live in.You can read Shakespeare My Butt! in sequential fashion or dip in and out of the book, as you please. Either way, it is a fun, thought-provoking read, which is sure to broaden your appreciation of the mad world we live in.
Barney the dog, reading his master's masterwork!

Health Warning Required?

2009-01-11T18:03:00.002Z

Received this week in an e-mail from a friend. Names have been removed to protect the innocent!

I gave ***** a copy of your book as a Christmas present. He started reading it and became so absorbed that he forgot he had some eggs boiling and was only brought to his senses by a cloud of smoking filling his flat!

He described your stories as like being on a train passing slowly through a large town - seeing incidents in peoples' lives that leave you wanting to know how they had got to where they were - and what really happened to them thereafter...

You can buy Being Normal by clicking the book cover in the carousel on the sidebar of this page. Or from www.tontobooks.com
Alternatively, it's available from any good bookseller on order. Just please don't cook while you're reading!

Spotted

2009-01-11T17:52:00.005Z

...while out and about this weekend

1) A Father Jack Hackett look-a-like while lunching in Corbridge

(What a hero!)

2) A Mrs Miggins' Tea Rooms in Hexham

Help me - my favourite TV sitcoms are coming to life...

BBC 1's Anne Frank

2009-01-07T20:40:00.003Z

See here for information about the adaptation of Anne Frank's Diary, screened every night this week on BBC1.

Having recently been to Amsterdam, (but not making it to the house) I decided to watch the adaptation. My memories of reading The Diary are vague and somehow, I've managed to form an image of Anne as a goody-two-shoes...

I am delighted to admit that I'm wrong. This Telegraph article is very informative. And Ellie Kendrick is a delight to watch as the rather stroppy and boisterous Anne, making the best of a difficult situation. The programme has given me a new appreciation of Anne, going through the hideous time of adolescence in even more hideous circumstances. Although I do wish she'd be nicer to her mother (played by the marvellous Tamsin Greig - never has subdued grief been so compelling). All the cast are marvellous - but Kendrick, Greig and Lesley Sharp (as the wonderfully trivial and flirtatious Mrs van Daan) stand out.

If you haven't seen it yet, catch up on BBCi Player!

Bad Grammar or Inaccurate Facts?

2009-01-07T20:30:00.002Z

Found this just now on Yahoo:
"In Dorset, the sub-zero temperatures froze a half-mile stretch along the shoreline of Sandbanks, home to Tottenham Hotspur manager Harry Redknapp.
Local people said it was the first time in decades the sea had partially frozen since 1991."

Huh?
I wish I didn't feel the need to proof-read the world!

Realistic Resolutions

2009-01-01T13:57:00.002Z

Happy 2009!

I hope that all of your plans come to fruition and that happiness guides your days.

I've tried hard to avoid the temptation to introspection and review of 2008, but can honestly categorise it as a year of two halves. Still, I'm feeling more positive about 2009.

Even so, I'm not going to kid myself. So here are my realistic resolutions for 2009:

I realise that I am highly unlikely to motivate myself enough to lose weight. My aim, therefore, is to maintain the weight I'm at and not get any bigger.
I realise that I am highly unlikely to swear myself to a life of complete sobriety. My aim, therefore, is to use alcohol during the week in emergencies only.
I realise that I am highly unlikely to stop wasting time on trivial things. My aim, therefore, is to award myself periods of time-wasting, without feeling guilty about them.
I realise that I am highly unlikely to get through this year without feeling tired, fed up and ungrateful with my lot. My aim, therefore, is to take myself off when I feel any of the above and not subject my loved ones to these feelings.
I realise that I am highly unlikely to fulfil all of my above aims at all times. My aim, therefore, is to be thankful that I am human and prone to making mistakes, instead of beating myself up with them.

These may seem modest aims, but the grand ones I know I will not stick to. If you're making resolutions at the beginning of 2009, good luck. I hope you possess more self-motivation than I do. If, however, you find yourself not sticking to your resolutions:

Don't beat yourself up over them!

Christmas Post

2008-12-24T14:07:00.003Z

Merry Christmas to all my friends and readers. Thanks for your continued support.

And for all you cat-lovers out there, I'm with U.A. Fanthorpe on this one:

The Cat in the Manger

In the story, I'm not there.

Ox and ass, arranged at prayer:

But me? Nowhere.

Anti-cat evangelists,

How on earth could you have missed

Such an obvious and able

Occupant of any stable?

Who excluded mouse and rat?

The harmless necessary cat.

Who snuggled in with the holy pair?

Me. And my purr.

Matthew, Mark, and Luke and John,

(Who got it wrong,

Who left out the cat)

Remember that,

Wherever He went in this great affair

I was there.

You can buy U.A. Fanthorpe's collection of Christmas Poems here

Peace, happiness and love to you all.

Warkworth

2008-12-17T13:26:00.005Z

Despite the persistent attack of some nasty winter germs, I spent two very lovely nights up at Warkworth over the weekend.

With the castle and the Christmas lights, Warkworth is the sort of place that could convince you of the magic of Christmas all over again. I tried to capture this on my mobile camera, but it couldn't do justice to the place!

Acccomodation was at the 5 Star Roxbro House, a superior Bed and Breakfast overlooking the keep of Warkworth's magnificent castle.

The following picture gives you some sense of the welcome that awaits visitors to Roxbro House:

Every need was catered for. Breakfast was fabulous, all the service completely unobtrusive and the rooms (we ended up occupying two because of a plumbing problem in our first room) were luxuriously comfortable and well-thought out.

Many thanks to Claire, for being a very thoughtful and concerned host. Can't wait to go back (once I've saved the pennies again).

I just have one question. Having stayed in a number of places with them, I still have no idea what one of these is (see photo below).

Please put me out of misery if you know!

Christmas tree

2008-12-10T17:10:00.001Z

This is how I feel at the moment, with all the pre-Christmas celebrations taking up my life. Back early next week! Thanks to DJ for the blog award. It will appear on here soon, when I work out how to follow all the rules!

On the second day of Advent

2008-12-01T18:23:00.003Z

After my almost self-righteous rant yesterday about rampant consumerism, I have to take the opportunity to tell you about a limited special offer on 'Being Normal'.

Follow the link below in the next few days and you can buy 'Being Normal' for the bargain price of £4.99, with free postage and packaging.

http://www.tontobooks.com/shop/

This offer won't be around for long, however. And 'Being Normal' is a perfect antidote to all this enforced Christmas jollity.

'Being Normal' is a moving collection of short stories - The Crack Magazine, October 2008
This book should come with a warning label on the front cover, 'ADDICTIVE STORIES BARELY CONTAINED INSIDE' - DJ Kirkby
Highly recommended if you like your fiction fresh and intelligent - Amazon Customer Review

Advent

2008-11-30T13:23:00.001Z

Oh the joy of the season of unbridled capitalism:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20081129/twl-shop-worker-killed-in-sales-rush-3fd0ae9.html

RIP.

What a sad, sad indictment of human nature.

99th Post and over 2,000 hits

2008-11-26T19:06:00.003Z

Thanks to everyone who keeps coming back. This week, my sitemeter passed the 2,000 hit mark, which is great!

And this is my 99th splurge in the blogging world.

Have I anything important to say?

Not really. It's been a funny old week so far and it's only Wednesday.

What I can say is how much I've come to enjoy the whole phenomenon of blogging. How much of a sense of responsibility (and, Lord, I hope that don't sound as pretentious as I suspect it does!) I feel to keep the posting going.

What's made it worthwhile is the lovely people that visit. And comment.

And I'm quite addicted to reading other people's blogs. For no other reason than the fact that the most fascinating animal on the planet is my fellow human being. And even the humdrum minutiae (I love that word, even if it's so difficult to remember how to spell) of everyday life is endlessly interesting, if for no other reason than it transports me out of my own humdrum situation.

So for the reasons above, I have one thing to say to anyone reading this:

Thank you.

Stephen x

Review

2008-11-23T20:00:00.002Z

Funny how things work out.

You agree to one thing and then something else happens along the same lines.

In the next couple of months, I will be posting 3 book reviews on the blog. One is for a very unique memoir, one is for a crime novel and one for a book that appears to defy any pigeon-holing!

It's a privilege to read other people's work and be asked to comment on it. Like I know something about the art and craft of writing! Times like this - I really do feel like a writer.

I better get reading...

Mood Swings

2008-11-18T17:05:00.003Z

So...my last post wasn't exactly a bundle of laughs...

Since then, I've ordered a SAD Lamp...

I've decided to take better care of myself...

To spend time writing the novel as often as possible and not worry about the result...

One of my inspirations is now this lovely free gift from last Saturday's Times:

It's a good maxim. Hope it helps.

Hiatus (Or losing my mojo)

2008-11-13T17:07:00.005Z

I've enjoyed posting my little musings on Amsterdam, as I'm so avoiding writing the novel at the moment, despite NaNoWriMo. They made me feel like a writer again, rather than a salesman who isn't very good at his job.

Fully intended to post over the weekend, but the mojo is hiding well at the moment and then some other things happened like illness, too much nostalgia on Facebook - which tips over into melancholy - and lost relatives clambering out of the woodwork.

November is not a good time for me, as the shadows lengthen inside and outside....

So my mood has see-sawed up and down, as I face certain truths about things in my life.

Ah poor me! It's not like there's anything more tragic happening in the world! (IRONY)

Perhaps I'll back next week in a more positive frame of mind, ready to polish off the 40,000 or so words I need to actually gain a certificate in NaNoWriMo.

Postcards from Amsterdam - Saturday part 1

2008-11-05T20:27:00.002Z

Saturday’s weather is more cheery than Friday. We tear ourselves away from the salad, fried bacon, hard boiled eggs and cornflakes with orange juice that our continental cousins are enjoying in order to meet a friend who is over in Amsterdam for a short break.
We’re staying on the Botel – which is docked on an industrialised wharf, opposite the Greenpeace ship Sirius.
He’s staying in the Hotel Krasnapolsky overlooking Dam Square. This place has a commissioner on the door. I’ve never stayed in a hotel with a commissioner on the door!
Jealousy aside, we walk down to Rembrandtplein and take coffee at the Opera Café.
It’s quite Art Nouveau inside. Service is impeccable. Coffee is a reasonable price.
There’s a big ginger cat wandering through the clientele, before settling on the bar.
Over the next few days we spot a number of cats curled up on various Dam bars.
We admire the lack of health and safety paranoia – also evinced by the many canal sides without adequate barriers.
After coffee, we visit Rembrandt’s house on Jodenbreestraat. It reminds me very much of the set used in the film of Tracey Chevalier’s novel about Vermeer (whom I prefer as a painter).
We’re in Rembrandt’s studio and our cultured friend remarks how amazing it is to be in the place where the Master painted so many of his works.
My head is still full of the Armadillo baskets, dried crocodiles and bust of Socrates which we’ve just seen in the opposite room – Rembrandt’s props cupboard, if you like.
‘You know, this really reminds me of Vermeer’s studio in Girl with a Pearl Necklace,’ I remark, innocently enough.
Great guffaws alert me to my mistake. ‘I meant Pearl Earring.’
The guffaws become prolonged sniggers.
If you don’t understand why, I suggest you look up the Viz comic and its marvellous
Profanisaurus.

Postcards from Amsterdam

2008-11-05T18:40:00.003Z

The first time I went to Amsterdam was on a day trip! We had about 6 hours in the city, having been dropped off by coach outside the Hotel Victoria, opposite Central Station. The highlight of the visit was discovering what we thought was a Catholic statue shop, only to find a man mixing herbs in a mortar with birch twigs. We’d found a Candomble shop.
Returning this time, we were excited to do the cultural stuff we hadn’t dared do, not knowing our way round the city.
We arrived in rain which, given that Amsterdam is a watery city, wasn’t a great start.
Dodging the cycles and scooters became our sport. Sadly, a ‘pring-pring’ on a bicycle bell is not enough to warn me of imminent danger.
And, believe me, the Dutch will ride into you if you are in their way.
We dropped our bags at the Botel and caught the free ferry back across the IJ to Central Station.
We found Dam Square relatively easily (last time we only came upon it by accident). We gasped at the tackiness of the Amsterdam Salt and Pepper sets shaped like sex toys.
We agreed that we wouldn’t buy chips and mayonnaise from the Mannequin Piss – despite the queue of hungry punters.
We walked for a couple of hours in the rain. Ignoring our guidebook map. Still under the illusion that Amsterdam was a massive city.
Eventually, the rain had us soaked through. We sought refuge in a bar/café where the proprietor’s idea of a joke was:
‘Can we have two coffees please’ – Us
‘We’re a bar. We don’t serve coffee’ – Proprietor
‘Ok, we’ll go then’ – Us (getting up to leave)
‘Hahaha. Sit down. I’ll get you coffee.’ – Proprietor, still laughing as he brought us two delicious, warming coffees.
We headed back to the Botel not long after this…

Catching Up

2008-11-02T11:21:00.003Z

One of the great joys of going away for a few days is that normal life has to stop. Everything is put on hold.

Unfortunately, that's also the downside when you get back. So, today, I'm playing catch up. Some of my plates need spinning more than others, but it's always hard to know exactly where to prioritise.

I've foolishly signed up for National Novel Writing Month in the hope that I might find the discipline to complete a first draft of the novel. Wish me luck, as I wish luck to my fellow bloggers who have also signed up.

I will be posting some reflections on the trip to Amsterdam over the next couple of weeks. If you have any burning opinions/thoughts about the city, feel free to leave a comment.

Thanks

Stephen

The Carpenters - Ticket To Ride

2008-10-23T11:00:00.001+01:00

A snotty nose and a ticket to Amsterdam

2008-10-23T10:53:00.002+01:00

Half-term! Yes! And ya-boo-sucks to all those people who say that teachers get too many holidays. You're only jealous.

And I have a cold, so it's not without its downside. But the upside is that I'm off to Amsterdam this afternoon by ferryboat. And we're staying for four nights in the city (well on the river IJ, actually).

In celebration, I'm posting The Carpenters' version of Ticket to Ride. Say what you like about the Seventies easy listening combo, but this is a superior version of the song. The superior version.

See you in a few days.

The Midnight Walk

2008-10-20T18:12:00.004+01:00

Over 900 hundred of us gathered at our local racecourse.

All shapes and sizes.

All with different reasons for being there.

At 11:59pm we held our clockwork torches aloft for a minute of silence, a minute of remembrance.

At 12:00am we were off!

My walking partner and I returned to the racecourse (having completed the ten miles) at 3:50am. We could knock half an hour off our time because we queued for toilets (20 mins) and water (10 mins).

The hospice officials clapped us in and then we joined one final queue - for a bacon roll and a cup of coffee.

Between us we had already raised £85,000 (the target for the event was £75,000).

We went home, knackered and happy.

If you still want to help, you can @ www.justgiving.com/stephenshieber

Thanks for reading.

TIME

2008-10-13T17:39:00.003+01:00

Woke up this morning in the sort of mood that rips people's heads off if they look the wrong way at me.

Managed not to do to much of this, as I spent most of the morning isolated and ploughing through the thousands of tasks that lie ahead this week.

Don't understand why the half term cruises along quite smoothly and then, a week and a half before we break up, all hell breaks loose and we have meetings and parents' promotional evenings coming out of our ears. Not to mention Saturday morning when we open to all and sundry. When I was supposed to be at the Morley Literary Festival with Roz, talking about mentoring. (if only short stories paid more than my real life!)

I'm guessing I'll be pounding out my frustration on the pavements of Newcastle, during my midnight walk on the early hours of Sunday morning.

On a lighter note: Anyone see the genius of Peter Kay on Channel Four last night?

Two Lovely Things

2008-10-05T17:37:00.004+01:00

Friday night

2 lovely things occured.

1) A message from somebody who was in my first ever form class, 11 years ago! He wanted me to know that he'd just finished reading Being Normal. He said he 'couldn't put it down' and that it was 'the best thing he had read in ages.'

2) The girl who was Mrs Lovett to my Sweeney Todd (we were all of 81/2 at the time and no it wasn't the Sondheim version - we had a very dramatically ambitious teacher) added me on Facebook as a friend. She told me she'd just bought the book. We haven't seen each other for 23 years!

People are so kind.

Midnight Walk for our local hospice

2008-10-02T20:07:00.002+01:00

I've decided that I have to stop being so damn lazy and do things for other people. So, on Saturday 18th October, I am doing the Midnight Walk for St. Oswald's Hospice.

I've tried to add the JustGiving Widget, but Blogger (and my crappy computer) is having none of it. So please visit: http://www.justgiving.com/stephenshieber and sponsor me for my 10 mile extravaganza!

Tonto Books Purchases

2008-10-02T18:13:00.002+01:00

Click now on the 'My Picks' carousel to buy Tonto Book publications from Amazon.
You can even get my own book from them!

Review in 'The Crack' Magazine

2008-10-01T17:44:00.003+01:00

After the loveliness of D J Kirkby's review comes another fab review courtesy of 'The Crack' Magazine.

(Patronising comment for non-Geordies 'the crack' is a term in the NE for what's going on at the time - not a reference to illegal substances. Any Irish visitors will also know it as 'the Craic'.)

Sorry, but I felt I should explain, just in case anyone misunderstood. (I'm a decent, law-abiding citizen you know).

You can read the review h ere or click the picture below to see a scan of the print version.

Of Wasps and Nettles

2008-09-27T19:52:00.004+01:00

My 33rd year has been a year of new discoveries. Being published, realising I'm actually okay at my job, discovering how much I love it, finding a religious organisation that cares more about me than rules and regulations.

I made another discovery on Friday.....

Wasp stings really bloody hurt.

Picture this.
Sat in the staffroom, resting after lunch and gathering strength for the afternoon onslaught. Sitting laughing with my (predominantly) female colleagues.
I'm suddenly aware of something on my neck, just above my shirt collar. Then, a searing pain.
I jump out of my seat, while pulling the furry blighter off my neck and throwing it who knows where.
'What's the matter? What's the matter?'
'I've just been stung by a wasp.'
Thankfully, I have a colleague who has anti-histamine cream on hand. 'Ow!' I exclaim.
Everyone looks at me.
'That's the first time in my life I've been stung,' I say, trying to mask my pain, 'by a wasp anyway.'
Much hilarity ensues. Giggles etc etc.
'What? WHAT?' I'm expecting to be told my fly is undone or the elastic of my boxers is showing.
'WHAT'S SO FUNNY?' I'm actually in quite a bit of pain and attempting to apply said cream without knowing exactly where the little bugger hit.
'What else you been stung by,' says one of my esteemed colleagues through the tears of hilarity.
I stand there, still not getting the joke and desperately wondering how I can recover my shredded dignity.
'A nettle,' I say at last.
Everyone falls about laughing again.
I look around, wondering if there's a taxi on the way for Shieber.

Review

2008-09-27T16:45:00.002+01:00

You can read DJ Kirkby's review of Being Normal by clicking the link below:

http://anaspiereviews.blogspot.com/2008/09/being-normal-by-stephen-shieber.html

Thanks DJ. Glad you liked the book.

I should have...

2008-09-23T17:05:00.003+01:00

Being Catholic at heart, I have been feeling guilty about neglecting the blog since I returned to work. To try and rectify this, I have decided to post a number of things together, that I should have treated seperately.

For instance:

I should have...posted about my trip to Manchester and Stockport. To publicly thank Maggie for her hospitality and her support services on the day. To publicly thank Peter for being my bodyguard on the day - stopping the crowds from mobbing me. (He wasn't overworked)

I should have...posted this picture:

which shows me at Stockport Borders with my primary school headmistress, Mrs Isherwood, on the left and Mrs Johnson (mother of a girl in my first primary school class) who travelled from Poynton to buy the book and catch up with me after 23 years. Many thanks to them.

I should have...announced that I was signing at Borders Team Valley on Saturday 13th September.

I should have...thanked various people for their messages on the blog. I apologise to you all that I'm negligent in my responses.

I should have...flagged up the Black Boxes Widget on my sidebar! Have fun with it.

I should have...posted the link to my interview on Caroline Smailes' blog: http://insearchofadam.blogspot.com/2008/09/sunday-reading-stephen-shieber.html

Thank you to Caroline for all her support. She has a busy and exciting week ahead of her. Those of you who can support her should!

Finally... I am making amends by posting a link to an exciting new North East promotion, run by New Writing North, called 'Read Regional' - aimed at getting people to read North East writers. Details can be found at the link below. Although it doesn't mention me in person, I will be at Central Station between 5 and 6 on Friday (26th) to help with the opening event (as Being Normal is one of the books chosen for promotion):

http://www.newwritingnorth.com/events/events.php?section=531

There. That's better. Am I absolved yet?

Summer Discoveries

2008-09-15T20:37:00.003+01:00

Yes, I know this comes a little bit late, but Summer was somewhat odd to say the least. Below are some of the wonderful things I discovered this summer. Why not try some of them out, if you don't own/use/know them already?
1) I-tunes
2) Jake Arnott's Long Firm Trilogy
3) Duffy
4) Everything You Ever Wanted
5) Sainsbury's Gerwurtztraminer
6) Clarissa Dickson Wright's autobiography
7) Being published
8) Browsing at Borders
9) Work avoidance!
10) Google Reader
11) That Starbucks is overrated (although their Banana and Chocolate Vivanno is wonderful)
12) LCD TV
13) That the new I-pod Nano is available in Purple
14) Birthdays are a whole lot nicer with Facebook
15) New isn't always better

Kitten Issues

2008-09-15T16:48:00.003+01:00

It's been a fairly hectic few weeks with promotion of Being Normal, a fairly rocky start to a new term and the collapse of our house sale. So I have neglected the blog of late - which is a shame because I've got some great photos of my 'book tour' to Manchester/Stockport to post.
In the meantime, I seem to have managed to adopt two kittens (one of which looks fairly like the above picture). I can't reveal their source, for security reasons. Suffice to say that they've escaped from a fairly awful household. And they're always hungry. I really don't think that 4 cats is such a good idea and my two established ones aren't over happy with the arrangement, but what can I do?
Will try to post more this week, including book signing photos. In the meantime, thanks to everyone who's visited lately and those of you who've introduced yourself or left messages for me.

E-Book of Being Normal

2008-09-03T17:10:00.001+01:00

Hop over to Tonto Books to find out more about their lovely new electronic version of Being Normal, which includes a very special offer when you buy the paperback from them for only £5.99 (rrp £7.99).

Signings

2008-09-03T17:02:00.004+01:00

I'm on the road this weekend - off back to the North West, where I spent about 6 years of my childhood - formative years my psychiatrist might say!!!
Those lovely people at Tonto Books have organised two book signings for me. One at Manchester Borders and one at Stockport Borders.

I'll be at Manchester between 12 and 2pm
and in Stockport between 3 and 5pm.

If you happen to be in the area, why not drop in to share with me the scars of my childhood! Or you can also hear more about my e-book (see next post) and buy a fabulous copy of Being Normal, signed especially by moi!

Back to School

2008-09-03T17:00:00.004+01:00

Yes - the madness began again on Monday. New classes, old classes, new enthusiasms, old bugbears. I love my job, but it is tiring and now I feel like I have two jobs, with the writing and everything. Which I've done little of lately. Which is why I'm blogging instead...

My Very First Book Signing

2008-08-24T14:08:00.004+01:00

I arrived just before 12 and was shown straight up to Starbucks, for a complimentary drink. Overwhelmed, as always, by the choice I opted for a very sensible bottle of water and drank half of it before heading down to my signing desk next to the information desk.

I sat down, surrounded by copies of Being Normal, put out my bookmarks and my reading guides. I retrieved my special Being Normal signing pen and waited...

And waited...

I'd been there for an hour when my first punter arrived - but they were someone I knew, so does it count? Ah, it's all sales.

I smiled...

And I smiled...

I was advised to wander round and talk to people, try to convince them to buy the book. Ah - no, not for my first time.

I saw other people I knew, but they didn't seem surprised to see me sitting in Borders on one of the sunniest Saturdays of the summer. And they didn't buy the book.

A customer took Being Normal on a tour of the shop with him - I still don't know if he bought it, because he never asked for it to be signed.

The staff did their best to drum up in interest by circulating reading guides and paging about me over the tannoy.

I was so excited when I had my first customer that I wasn't related to/hadn't taught/didn't teach with/wasn't a close friend of that I spelt her name wrong in the book. Sorry Jos!

After 3 hours, the sales manager told me I'd outsold both Denise Robertson and Leslie Grantham!

After 4 hours and 45 mins I was desperate to go home. I signed my remaining stock, ready to go up onto the Borders Recommends table, complete with belly band review.

So - this is what the public life of an author consists of!

Bring on Manchester and Stockport on Sept 6th!

Many thanks to the Staff of Borders Silverlink, Mam and Dad, Kirsty, Dani, Jill, Karen and Steve, B, Vicki and David (for rescuing me).

I won!

2008-08-22T21:08:00.004+01:00

Over at DJ Kirkby's Wordless Wednesday I won her praise for my caption. I'm usually so crap at these things. Don't know why Wednesday's post inspired me! And I got a special mention for the launch of Being Normal. Thanks DJ! I shall wear my badge with pride. The last time I won anything quite so special, I was 7 and the Methodists took pity on my inability to colour within the lines and gave me second prize during the summer playscheme. They gave me a book.

The rest, as they say, is history.

The Launch

2008-08-21T17:46:00.002+01:00

SO,

It happened.

Despite the rain, the thunder and the lightning!

Beccy Owen came and wowed us with her songs, building up a rapport with a very mixed crowd.

I suffered from that weird moment where disparate parts of my life all met up in one building!

My guerilla snacks stayed in their carrier bags, due to lack of tables.

Two lovely young actresses read for us - letting Roz and I off the hook.

I met Caroline Smailes, Nik Jones, and a crowd of other people I'd only previously met in cyberspace.

Friends right the way back from primary school came.

We had a queue of enthusiastic buyers snaking across the performance space, waiting for our signatures.

We sold quite a few books and some of Beccy's CDs.

Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.

Roz and I are glad it's over. But we did have a lovely time and want to thank everyone who came and supported us in whatever way.

Now comes the hard work of keeping the promotion of our books going and convincing complete strangers that we're worth reading.

Today's the day.

2008-08-19T12:49:00.003+01:00

WELL HERE IT IS!

Today at 5pm Roz and I will be celebrating the launch of Everything You Ever Wanted and Being Normal.

Many thanks to everyone who has got us to this point - you know who you are.

Welcome to everyone who will join us at Northern Stage for the celebrations.

Don't forget to buy our books!

Promotion, Promotion, Promotion for August.

2008-08-08T10:38:00.003+01:00

With the advance copies, it seems to me that 'Being Normal' has been out forever already (thank you God for blessing me with a short attention span!). So it's somewhat strange to think that Monday is actually the official release date. With Monday comes a whole raft of promotional efforts so I thought I'd list them here and you can put them in your diary.
PROMOTIONAL EVENTS:
Monday 11th August Rosalind Wyllie will recording interviews at BBC Radio Newcastle, discussing the release of our first books. The interviews will be played on the afternoon show sometime in the next week. More info when I have it.

Tuesday 19th August Launch party for 'Everything You Ever Wanted' and 'Being Normal' at Northern Stage, Newcastle. Join Roz and I to celebrate the launch of our books. Readings by local actresses, music from Beccy Owen, the opportunity to have your copies of our books signed as well as a free competition. Between 5pm and 7pm.

Saturday 23rd August from 12pm. I will be signing copies of 'Being Normal' at Silverlink Borders, North Shields. Coincidentally, Roz will be at Borders Gateshead (Team Valley) signing copies of 'Everything You Ever Wanted.'

Was going to give you the whole list, but I think it might be a bit overwhelming. I've never had such a full diary. Will post again towards the end of August with dates/events for the coming months.

A Techy Moment

2008-08-02T14:03:00.002+01:00

Went to open Sitemeter this morning, to see how much people love me, and I got a nasty 'ding' and an IE 'operation aborted' message.
Ouch - that's rejection for you!
I also found the same thing happening when I went onto various blogs and my own.
Having furtled around in cyberspace the problem seems to be this:
Sitemeter is having problems with Blogger and causing it to crash blog pages that use Sitemeter.
For most people (as for me) it is a case of removing Sitemeter through the blog layout page in Dashboard. After that, fingers crossed, touch wood, etc etc, access is restored to my own blog.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE BLOGS I READ THAT USE SITEMETER? AND WHAT ABOUT ALL MY LOVELY VISITORS WHO WILL NOW COME UNNOTICED TO MY BLOG?

Saturday

2008-07-26T19:28:00.003+01:00

It's not Ian McEwan but just an abnormal Saturday when the sun actually seems to be out. We had a plan. Alnmouth glimpsed from the Newcastle to Edinburgh train and realised that: a) it's very pretty and b) we've not been before. Best to make the most of sunshine, while it hangs about the most northerly corner of the country.
Lunchtime comes and with it post-prandial fatigue. So, instead of striking off to Alnmouth, we settle for the North Tyneside coast and a favoured route from Old Hartley down to St. Mary's Island.
We drive over. As we reach the coast, a sea fret closes in and nothing is to be seen of the sea, the cliffs or the lighthouse.
Abandoning all thought of our walk, we find ourselves at the Longbenton Cat and Dog Shelter. We have two, much-loved, cats already, but there's always the lure of an all-black kitten or a black and white older tom called Walter. Oops, I've said too much. Hope Jonny and Harry don't read this and start getting worried. There's plenty of love to go round.

Is this me?

2008-07-26T19:15:00.003+01:00

Since the arrival of the book in real format, I've been facing a great dilemma. I always thought it would be good to have people know my name, know my view of the world through what I write. I thought I wanted to answer the questions people wanted to set me.
But I'm beginning to wonder....
I have just finished some interview questions. I'm fairly pleased with them - I think my answers are honest and represent my values and views. I hope those who read and publish them will respect that.
However, I was having marketing discussions yesterday. Angles from which I could interest press. I hate it. I am myself and, when faced with the questions of marketing angles, I close down and gather to myself the things that I cherish about my individuality. There are some parts of me no-one is ever going to hear about just so that I might sell some books.
It's put me on a downer. Why do I have to justify reading my book with my own character? Surely, the fact that somebody thinks my work is worth publishing is sufficient reason for reading it. I hate this celebrity/personality obsessed world.
Any other writers out there, I'd be interested to hear your views on this.

THE EGGCUP FROM HELL

2008-07-20T15:39:00.006+01:00

We recently visited the Laing Art Gallery for their 'Love' exhibition. On the way out, we stopped in the gift shop and I caught sight of a hare's head egg cup, which I thought was particularly beautiful and which, better still, was under a fiver.

You can see from the photographs that it's nicely modelled and painted. Now, watch what happens when you add an egg:

Anyone for scrambled eggs, or perhaps a lobotomy?